and I know and love people from here too

This is a true story, only, and I repeat only, the name has been changed ! A young man for the sake of this story, lets call him Elbert -this is the changed name- entered this very Mal-Wart in a town very near my hometown. My brother took me to this store to examine personally the location and to ascertain the likelihood of the events to be retold here.

It seems that midmorning one very recent day, Elbert entered this establishment. I am going to make a judgement here, in an impaired state, or possessing at least less than normal of what would pass for normal judgement.

Now once inside, Elbert, while his exact path is unknown, did indeed pass down this very isle where alcoholic beverages are offered for sale. Here apparently Elbert's thirst? judgement? class? inspiration? took hold.
One can not help but smile thinking of Elbert's delight upon recognizing a favorite beverage. He did take hold of a six pack and proceed to begin to drink--- and imagine if you will the pure enjoyment he must have had when drinking that first moderately cool bottle of Miller Lite probably very close to this very display.

Can you imagine Elbert saying to his friends, "come on guys, lets go to Mal-Wart, grab us a couple of moderately cool ones, stroll down to the TV's and catch some movie or sumpin' ---- now this is in the town that used to look down on my home town as not being very "cool" or "classy" --- So now I offer them their very own Elbert. Well perhaps all this would have been acceptable in this classy upper-crust town that has a tendency to put on "airs" when comparing themselves to their neighboring towns. However, as do many in this town, Elbert proved unable to know when to stop. He proceeded to drink the entire six pack ....
apparently somewhat completely impaired by now and perhaps even attracting attention of an employee - anyone notice anything strange going on in TV's or the grocery isles? - as Elbert finishes beer after beer. Well apparently somewhere our friend Elbert passed that magic point where his ability to "hold his beer" was exceeded. (hence my earlier observation about his being impaired upon his arrival- I am thinking a man of Elbert's class and style probably can normally hold more than a mere 6 before noon)

Our friend proceeded to become somewhat disorderly (surprise, surprise) drive a little impaired, commit a few traffic violations, and upon being apprehended and placed in a police car, using his head and feet did bend and dent the squad car door, emitted bodily fluid on police officers, resisted arrest (you probably figured that one already) and a incurred a couple more charges.
His exact rap sheet, to quote the newspaper did read "misdemeanor larceny, consuming malt beverage on city/county property, malicious conduct by a prisoner, resisting a public officer, three counts of injury to personal property, three counts of assaulting government officials, failing to stop at a stop sign, driving while impaired, open container violation after consuming, damage to city property, intoxicated, and disruptive" ------- ya think ?